Am I Blue?
Maybe it's the sudden disappearance of that great big ball of light in the sky. Maybe it's being busless for the 10th straight day. Maybe it's the slowly closing vise-grip claw of tax season approaching. Maybe it's -- well, there are a lot of other things I could probably name, but the upshot is for the first time in a long, long time I woke up this morning feeling -- depressed.
Under The Weather
Cryin' In My Beer
Clinical depression is not something I have much experience with. Like most people, I get a little bit mopey every once in a while, but usually it's of a vaguely listless, I-don't-want-to-get-out-of-bed variety -- that nebulous feeling that things just aren't as right as they should be. This morning however, was noticeably different, definitely more of a my-life-really-sucks type of feeling that is so foreign to my normal disposition that I couldn't help but stand there at the bus stop at 7:00 a.m. thinking to myself, "COMTE, what reason in the world do you have to feel all 'Grumpy McGrumperson'?"
"Do I have to have a reason?"
"Well, if you don't have a good reason for feeling lower than the curb, then it's either inorganic, in which case it'll eventually cure itself, or it's organic, in which case The Pharmaceutical Industry probably has an ad running on cable right now for a brightly colored pill that will cure it (WARNING! Use of this product may result in the following side-effects: nausea, bleeding from orifi, insomnia, sexual dysfunction, weight gain and heart palpatations. Consult your doctor before using.)"
"That's pretty cynical!"
"Hey, when you're feeling low, you ARE pretty cynical..."
"Got me there."
"Bet I do."
The fact that I even have an inner dialogue like this going so early in the morning is a clear indication that I'm definitely off my game. Usually I require at least one cup of coffee before this kind of "Point-Counterpoint" gets started.
Okay. So, list all the things that could be causing me to feel depressed:
1. My Car Is Broken.
2. It'll cost between $700 - $1200 to fix, which will eat up all of my
savings, including my tax refund.
3. It's raining
4. Income tax season starts in two weeks, and I don't have enough
volunteers to run my site.
5. Rehearsals for the show I'm directing start in less than four weeks,
and I don't have a complete cast, nobody's signing up for auditions
on Saturday, I don't have a full tech staff, the budget is abysmally
small, and I'm not getting much in the way of support from the
6. I'm fat.
7. I'm bald.
8. I feel old.
9. I'm lonely.
10.Although my job is secure, the company is slowly, inexorably
being ground into the dirt as a result of a prolonged,
acrimonious labor dispute.
If pressed, I could probably rattle off a couple more rationalizations for feeling all droopy, but I think we get the picture. Sure, none of this is life-threatening, and I'll be the first to admit there are thousands of people out there who would probably trade places with me in a heartbeat.
But, looking at this list with as much cold detachment as I can muster, it seems to contain enough to warrant a one day dump-fest.
Or am I just being whiny?
on 3:35 PM